I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
