wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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