You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
