I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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