Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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