Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
