i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
