I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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