It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
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You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
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I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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