Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
