He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
