is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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