I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
