i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize