hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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