Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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