the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
