I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
