I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
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Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
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Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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