i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
im six kinds of drunk right now
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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