he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
