I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
