Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
And then my night got REAL pukey
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
