Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i think i have two assholes
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.