Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
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I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
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We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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