i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.