I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.