I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize