no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
