I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Randomize
