Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
