My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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