I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
