at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
