# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She bit a glass in half.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
