You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
