Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Rumble strips road head = magical
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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