i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
