I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
