Soap is not a condiment
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
