I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize