im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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