All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
