come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
