Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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