i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
