I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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