Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
