Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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