he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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