Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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