I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
