Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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