the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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