I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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