Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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