Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
