Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
