You're my little dorito
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Randomize
