all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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