After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm way too hungover for life right now
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize