My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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