Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
