Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
