Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
