but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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