got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
