Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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