I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
