Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
